Pass Out

So, lately I talked to somebody about these
passed out memories. Then I drilled into my mind
and recall, when, what, why and how they happened.

As far as I could remember. I did pass out for four times.
(Or maybe more than that) The first time, I remember
when I was 5 or 6 years old. I felt drowsiness when I was
brushing my teeth... Because I drunk and I have a minor
epilepsy. Sounds wicked? Uh... I don't think so.. Maybe
my body couldn't tolerate with a tiny bit of beer.
At least, no medicinal care was required.

The second time was in the bathroom... I rushed back
from school with bicycle and went for bath. And I felt
dizzy, I was thinking what is happening. Then I walked
to the mirror, and watched myself in it.. The next moment,
I was lying on the floor. And I had a weird dream... So, it
might be due to not enough blood to my head... It's
normal...

The third time was in the bathroom too! But it was
different from last time. I rushed back from the school
again... And guess what? My tank was fulled. If I didn't
empty, either I'm going to die for bladder burst or die for
urine... =P
I felt the plumping of the vessels... and kinda tired..
I was pee pee, I couldn't just sit down. So I thought I
might just close my eyes. The next moment I heard my
maid calling me from downstairs and I was wet. (Ops...
definitely not because of my pee pee) Because a huge bang,
my maid heard me and tried to call me, what just happened.
I had a minor epilepsy again, that's why I was wet. I kicked
the tub at the side and the water spilled on me... A little bit
injured near my ear and it's alright now...

The very last time will be in the bar or the pub... Kinda embarrassing.
I took some cigarettes and beers. And maybe few brands
of cigarette. I felt hot inside and cold outside... and i passed out
again. And I freak hionghseng up. Sorry for that... =(
I afraid he won't dare to call me up again... And guess what?
I won't stop trying it again...

Then now I'm wondering am I low blood pressure.
Why can't I afford those? But I think my BP is normal
when I went to medical check up...

Free topic

I just don't have anything which
I think is funny to share or what I thought
I should share. I just came by and post something
just to keep it fresh... I think I'm kinda
understand the feeling of KT. A not-blogging-mode
feeling.

The first week of classes is still bearable.
I can still free writing here, facebook, watch drama
and chit chat with my lovely friends. I guess
it only last for at most 2 weeks, then it will follow
by heavy chapters.

I have this feeling that, this year is gonna be a good year.
But why...? Ask god, I just feel so... It might
be wrong though... Now I just tried to be an animal
which follows its instinct to live...
The next event I am looking forward will be
the reunion of relatives... and have fun! =D

CNY! Don't fail me...

Packing

Tomorrow, I'm going back to AIMST.
What a miserable place to go... From the
first day I'd been there, i don't like that place.

First of all, it is totally rural.. LOL!
I feel like I am living in the jungle, a totally
21st centuries Tarzan. OooEeeOoo OooOuu~~

Secondly, I don't find it any better than
other universities.

Thirdly, it's a secret...

So, I'm going to pack my stuff, my clothes,
my laptop, and blah blah... I wonder what's the
feel of being in the school or place you don't like.
MISERY! What to do then? Change to another U?
Great~! I wonder which U is going to accept me.
Drop out from the U, Great, Great! I wonder what
I am going to be in the future...

Therefore, going back to AIMST is a must.
And Wendy sms-ed me few days back, when she
feels that I don't really satisfy with my current life.
I really appreciate it.. Thanks her a lot.

Yeap, need to re-check my pack.
Ciao~ =D

p/s: I feel great to type in English again... Hahaa

期待

最近是不是有点太黑了？
好像突然有好多很不顺心的事发生了。
可是我又能做什么呢？什么都不能做，
应该只有接受吧？我之前总是觉得自己
还蛮幸运的，不过最近就不是了。是不是我的
气数已尽？是不是我做了很多伤天害理的事？

不是。这都是生命中的另一个关卡，一个
让我更加好的考验吧？虽然是很不愿意，
可是也学会了接受，不知为何的确比以前
容易放得开，为什么？我到现在其实
也是一头雾水呢！

唯一能做的事就是等待新的开始。
新的开始可能会更艰辛，不过读书嘛，也不
可能会不辛苦一点的。

矛盾

我们的生活总是会有很多的矛盾吧？
明明是那么想，可是却又不想那么做;
又或者是不想别人那么做，自己又做。

我总是觉得没必要为了一点点小事，
就跟我说谢道歉或什么的，因为我觉得
抱歉应该是用在更加有意义的事情上；
没有必要为了一点点小事跟我说对不起。
不然所谓的抱歉，忏悔就好像失去了它的意义。

可是自己还是会为了一些琐碎事，
跟对其他所惹到的人道歉。还是对我来说
就是一些琐碎事其实也是一样很重要？
那为什么我又不喜欢别人为了一点点
事情就一直跟我道歉呢？
那么又有什么事情是真正的重要呢？
我不知道。

我们也常常说做人不要太屌，不要太懒屎。
因为很没有礼貌，也很欠扁。可是我们都会
看到很多人为了一点点小事而沾沾自喜，
过后又很不识相的跟人炫耀。

虽然我们会说这是很不好的事，
可是抚着自己的良心想想，自己又
何尝没有试过为了一点点小事而
沾沾自喜，然后又无意间说到他人心里的
痛处。

我们常常羡慕其他人的成绩很好的时候，
他人却总是为自己所拥有的还是很不满。
很自然的会想到“都这么好了，还不知足；
然后一直埋怨自己考不好，那我们不是很惨?”
这么说，倒像是在说人的贪婪。

不过如果说你拿到了比其他人更好的
成绩的时候，你又会不会想说“为什么我
考到那么差的？如果再拿高一点点就好咯”？
矛盾就出在这里，我们总是说其他人为自己
所得的感到不满，可是自己又何尝不是无意间
犯下了呢？

再来就是谢谢、谢谢。
这个词，很常用吧？可是我不喜欢其他人
为了一点点小事跟我说谢谢。因为都是
一些小事，也没有帮到什么，谢谢可以免了吧？
可是当你真的帮了人又没有得到他人对你说
谢谢，又觉得怪怪地。为什么我变得好像帮她/他
是理所当然的？结果就会觉得很不快。
我这种矛盾的想法，真的很奇怪；奇怪到好像
有点病。

为什么总是要分重要不重要；
值得不值得；应该不应该；正还是负？
为什么老是要分开好或不好？为什么老是
要有些没有必要的理论、原则？为什么
总是要有一大堆的理由才可以？算是我
极端惹的祸吧。

21

20，21，22··· ···
21?!

这个从来不会带给我任何感觉的数字，
就在台湾观摩团之后，烙在我的脑海里。
这21天有很多我永远都不会再有的回忆。

是啊···
从我们刚下机的时候，我们都像是过路人，
谁也不认识谁，谁也不在乎谁，各自在心底
盘算这个那个。

可是短短地21天，我们变成一体了。
从陌生到结识，从结识到认识，从认识到了解。
也因为如此，多次的催泪弹，把所有人都炸伤了。
泪提崩溃，泪水哗啦哗啦地冲洗了很多人的脸。

问我在台湾见到了什么，说真的，我不能很
清楚的想起。但是很八车的日子却深深印在脑海里。
忠辰、小安、大Q。
这三个很伟大的辅导员，一直很辛苦的为我们付出。
很努力地逗我们欢笑，很努力地介绍台湾给我们，
很努力地让八车团结在一起。

忠辰，每次淅沥巴拉的说个不停，梗也用不完。
这个说完，说那个。玩乐的时候，不分年龄，
不分辈分的跟我们闹成一团。严肃的时候，又凶得
要死。可是这样的辅导员并不讨人厌，反之让我更加的
尊敬与喜欢他。他无意间教导了我许多事，我很
感激他。

小安，每次都被迫扁着嘴被泼冷水，即使当个丑角
也不计较。当我们整车的情绪都在最紧绷的时候跳
出来，说一些话，做一些动作，让我们松弛
下来。一个团队里，一定会有硬角和软角。
如果说忠辰是硬角的话，小安就是软角。
一硬一软的攻势，其实是很受用的。
小安像个哥哥似的，那种很温柔的哥哥。
真的让我很不舍得，可是人总是要分别的。
送机时，我抱着小安，突然很想哭。
不过又好像哭不出，所以还是算了···

大Q，一个很文静的女生，她很特别。
即少跟我们抬槓，可是又那么地让人想
跟她聊天。南下的日子，虽然她不能陪我们
同行，但是亦精神上与我们同在，很感谢她。
不知道她是个怎样的人的话，在平常看来，她
就像个专业的带队人，与队员保持一段距离，
避免有太多的感情交错。但其实也不是那样的。
人嘛，都是要靠接触与了解，才能更加深入
的知道对方的“属性”。所以我也讲多无谓。

总之这次观摩的确让我又多一段可贵的回忆，
谢谢你们！